no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
