I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
