a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
