Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Sext me about skeletons
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
