Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
