Only a mothe r could love this liver
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The adults are the big ones right?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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