these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
