I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i think my mom watched the whole time
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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