He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
