so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
