yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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