Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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