My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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