I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
