This is not my ceiling
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
