So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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