so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
