What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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