i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
