i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Randomize
