all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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