You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I supernannyed him into submission
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
