haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
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I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize