So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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