i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
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So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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