I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
