I seem to have left my pride at pride
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
40s are totally the cure
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
