I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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