I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
