I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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