I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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