I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
