you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
