It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
