marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
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We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
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I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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