I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
