I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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