Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Michael Bay diarrhea
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
