In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
