my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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