I wanna bring you to show and tell
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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