I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
