I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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