I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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