We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
