i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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