he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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