he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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