I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
