Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
