Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
pray to the hookup gods
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
