please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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