If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
