I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
As shirtless as possible
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
