she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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