I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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