I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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