I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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