i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
