listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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