Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
i think my cat just said my name.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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